The regular challenges of running a business and a life can be tough enough, without accepting situations which can make it so much harder. You have a responsibility to yourself, your business and your dependants to take good care of yourself.
Sometimes you might forget that responsibility and allow others to take over your life and hinder your well-being. If that happens to you, put an end to it. Stop tolerating being let down, taken advantage of, diminished, abused, or used.
Most times, when you allow others to step on you it is not because you are weak, but because you care too much for/about others, losing your sense of self and importance.
Here you have five things you shouldn’t tolerate repeating in your life:
1. Don’t tolerate Violence (verbal or physical)
Know who you are, your value and worth and stand up for yourself.
If physical violence is easy to recognize, the verbal and emotional ones are harder.
Few signs of emotional (verbal) abuse:
- You feel like you’re walking on eggshells and nothing you do seems to be enough or good enough;
- You are rehearsing in your mind scenarios of how you’ll be punished for things that are not your fault (or you haven’t done and have no intention of doing);
- You are, repeatedly forced to take the blame for all sorts of things only to keep the peace;
- A co-worker spreading malicious rumors about you;
- Being subjected to swearing, pranks, sabotage, humiliation, criticism or treated like a child;
- People lie to you and, caught red-handed, say you misunderstood;
- Refusal to acknowledge your merits and accomplishments.
2. Don’t tolerate having destructive relationships in your life
Surround yourself with people that deserve your attention and love. People that make you feel good about yourself, accept you as you are, have compassion and understanding for you, respect and take pride for being part of your life.
A few not so obvious signs of destructive relationships that can do you harm:
- You feel suffocated by demons and requests for help – a needy person can drain the life out of you;
- You’re forced to take charge/correct things that are not your duty – irresponsible individuals take most things as a joke and then leave you to deal with the consequences;
- Being bombarded with negativity – not necessarily about/toward you, but everything else;
- You are giving and giving, getting nothing in return;
- Dragged into gossiping and judging others;
- Being used as the rubbish bin – sharing with you only the bad stuff, the good and pleasant being “reserved” for others.
If you feel that you have a pattern of destructive relationships it could be time to probe more deeply with the help of a counsellor or therapist. BetterHelp is a great online option.
3. Putting others first all the time
Altruism is a great human characteristic. It gives us pleasure and the sense of belonging almost like nothing else. However, like everything else in life, putting others first has to have a limit; and that limit is set by your needs.
You see? As good of a person as you want to be, neglecting your needs will pretty soon leave you unable to do things, not for yourself, nor others. Therefore, if you have the tendency to forget yourself and prioritize someone else, find out why are you doing it and discover ways to restore your balance.
4. Don’t tolerate being manipulated
The most common manipulation tactic used on you is emotional blackmail. If you believe that only strangers and perhaps, people who want to sell you something are using it, you might be surprised to find out that actually, most often you are emotionally blackmailed by people you love and love you back.
That is not to say your loved ones are harming you intentionally; most of them don’t even realize what consequence their behavior has on you and get blinded by their interest.
How do you recognize when you are manipulated?
- Someone appeals to your morals and values to convince you to give in to their wishes, disregarding what you want;
- They scare you with phantasmagoric scenarios about how hated or disliked, what a failure and bad person you will be if not doing what they ask;
- They ask you to repay a tiny sacrifice they made for you by doing something much bigger than what you owe;
- They put an equal sign between totally unrelated things, making you feel bad about yourself and eventually, give in: “you’re not doing what I want, you are a bad person.”
5. Don’t tolerate becoming a hoarder
Accumulating too much stuff can take over your life even if you are not a hoarder in the real sense of the word. Every little thing you own, needs your attention, maintenance, taking care of, keep it safe and guard.
Listen, life is meant to be enjoyed by accumulating experiences, happy moments, having loving people around, achieving your goals and dreams, using your talents and skills.
How mobile are you? If you have to pack up and go on short notice, can you do it without fear and anxiety about the stuff you own?
Find security and reassurance in who you are and what you are capable of because these are your real treasures.
This is a guest blog from Carmen Jacob, co-founder of UpJourney.