Coco Chanel changed the way women saw themselves forever, she released us from the constraints of the corset and set us free. Do you set yourself free from the potential chains of how you see yourself?
Using charm and grace is not abusing our feminine traits, instead it allows others to shine, men as well as women. Here are my top ten tips for using your feminine power to deal with life’s challenges.
# One – Who are you?
- Ensure you are really clear about your skills and talents. People can only respond to us dependant on the messages we give them. If you are not clear on what you are brilliant at, how can you communicate that to other people? People want to have confidence and trust in our abilities, first that confidence and trust has to come from inside of us.
# Two – Be aware of your head tapes
- Learn how to delete and neutralize any negative messages you give to yourself. Write them down – get them out of your head and really question yourself: where did these messages and beliefs come from? Remember, you were not born with these beliefs about yourself, so any thoughts you have, you have acquired during your life. If you possess any beliefs that are not supportive of you and your future, delete them and re-record positive replacements.
# Three – Recognise there are no such things as weaknesses
- It is very easy for most people to instantly tell everyone what they are not very good at! How about being able to communicate with authority and absolutely no guilt what you are very good at? How would that feel?
- Recognise that all we possess are qualities, but sometimes these qualities can be underdone or overdone. When we take these qualities out of balance, they can be perceived as a weakness.
- Look at your perceived weakness and identify the quality that underlies them, then see if you underdo or overdo that quality. Make sure you have strategies in place to keep your qualities in balance.
# Four – Get out of your own way
- Do you suffer from the ‘poor me’ mindset? Be really honest with yourself. If you do, get over it – and quickly! Nothing will keep you stuck more than this. Ask yourself: ‘How much do I have invested in staying exactly where I am? Really challenge yourself to push through this block and come out the other side. You will be stronger, lighter, more grounded and hugely more powerful.
# Five – Know your personal brand
- Your personal brand is about who you are as a woman in the world. Ask yourself, ‘What are the three top things I would like people to know about me? How does you being alive benefit other people? Really think, and then make sure that how you would like to be perceived is how you are being perceived, and ensure you make any changes necessary.
- Knowing who you are in the world ensures you always give of your best to others. This is respectful and polite, and increases the chances of balanced and supportive encounters.
# Six – Be assertive
- ‘No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ said Eleanor Roosevelt. Have this as your mantra.
- Assertiveness is showing respect for yourself and for other people. That is the balanced way to travel through life. Assertiveness opens the way for negotiation that creates a win/win for all.
# Seven – Have a voice with confidence
- Think about how you operate in meetings. Do you have the voice you would like to have or do you hold yourself back? If you hold yourself back, revisit your head tapes and figure out where this comes from, then take steps to move beyond it.
- Take ownership of your voice, know its value and impact and communicate with surety, power and authenticity.
- Use your voice for the good. Do not use it to berate or criticize. The conversation is the relationship. Ensure your voice is used to make others feel better not worse.
# Eight – Believe in yourself
- Take full ownership of your journey through life and treat yourself with compassion, care and love.
- If you believe in yourself, you will believe in others and always see the best in them. People have no power over you if you believe in yourself fully.
# Nine – Live by your values
- Know your values in life and ensure you live by them. Nothing is likely to cause more stress in your life than living incongruently with your values. Really go deep inside and write down what is important to you in life, then look at how you live and make any adjustments necessary to live authentically.
# Ten – You deserve to ask for what you need
- To go through life denying your needs and wants is disrespectful to others and will keep you in a charmless life.
- Be clear about what you want and need, ask for it with compassion.
- Other people benefit if you have a clear and honest agenda.